A couple years ago, my husband and sister-in-law and I were working on a puzzle. I think it had like 1000 pieces and it was of cows drinking from a fountain in some quaint European village. Think shades of blue and brown. Looking back, it was really a great activity for the three of us. My sister-in-law was living with us at the time and the puzzle became our nuetral ground. It became the place where we could talk without pressure. We became obsessed with finishing this puzzle and it even turned quite competitive when one of us discovered that someone had filled in an area we had already claimed as ours. We followed all the puzzle rules. Separating out the edge pieces and sorting pieces by color. The problem with this puzzle was the vast amounts of the same colors. We would think we had all the right pieces for the fountain section, only to discover that there was a tree in the corner with the same shade of green. We would find ourselves searching for one missing piece with a focused intensity that surprised all of us. We would stay up late and neglect our responsibilities in our attempt to locate the missing piece.
Earlier this week, I realized that I am missing peace. In my life, I am missing peace. I find myself to be feeling a bit blue, a bit out of sorts and easily unsatisfied. I find myself wandering around seeing all that needs to be accomplished, but finding no motivation to begin a task. Overwhelmed at the vast amounts of the same color in my own puzzle. Daily tasks that never change, laundry that is never finished, shoes perpetually not on the shoe shelf. Instead of looking at the big picture that is my wonderfully blessed life, I am focusing on the little pieces that make up that life. And sometimes, those pieces are hard to find and don't always fit into the right place. Those little pieces aren't my whole life, but part of the big puzzle that makes up who I am and what I am all about. It takes some effort to step back and see the whole picture.
I have been so focused on making all the pieces fit in exactly the right spot that I have missed what I am hoping to build at the end. What I am hoping to build is a life well lived. Children well loved. A marriage well preserved into old age. A life full of love, laughter, friendship and a deep abiding faith. A life of peace.
When we finished that cow puzzle, we stepped back and looked at what we had accomplished. It was quite pretty, even if the subject matter was cows. We didn't see all the tiny pieces interlocked. We saw the whole picture. The little pieces were all needed to make the picture complete. Missing even one would have ruined the whole thing. So all the little pieces that I find myself focusing on and stressing over are a necessary part of my whole. They all fit together to make me who I am. But instead of spending all my energy on making them fit, I need to be taking a step back to see where I am in the process of building my puzzle. Building my life. Maybe when I learn to do that, I will find that missing peace.
