Sock Drama and Swatch Watches

Back to school routines are in full swing at the Vollette house.  We are checking binders, checking the computer updates, signing planners and orchestrating activities.  I make 20 lunches a week, wash at least that many loads of laundry and juggle the schedules of not just my family, but of five others as well for my childcare job.  Two things I must say.  First, no comments or feelings about me being a "supermom".  There is no such thing and I don't want to be one.  I just do what needs to be done for my family and most days, I do it without a total meltdown.  That's my meltdown.  Not the kids'.  Second, I know my kids are old enough to make their own lunches and do their own laundry.  But why am I a stay at home mom if not to take care of my family?  They are capable and will be self sufficient by the time they leave my house.  I have made this promise to their future wives.  Because believe me, there are plenty of things I will need to apologize to those precious women for. 


The mornings in our house are only made unpleasant by one thing.  SOCK DRAMA!  So many people say to me, "Oh you have all boys.  You have it so easy.  Girls and their drama are just a hot mess you don't even have to worry about".  Well, as much as I love the young men in my house, they have their fair share of drama. Not to mention the current trend of girls not matching their socks.  You girl moms have it way easier than I do!


At our house, there are never enough socks.  When we do locate a pair, we have to do the dreaded "smell test" to see whether the socks are clean or not.  This is a potentially life threatening activity depending on where the socks were found.  They could be anywhere in my house as my children love to take them off and fling them wherever. Usually at each other to try to gag the victim with the smell.  Remember the sentence where I said I do 20 loads of laundry a week?  Why are there never enough socks that are the "right socks".


This is where the rest of the drama comes in.  Did you know there are right socks and wrong socks? The masterminds of the sock industry amaze me.  Because I can't just go to the big box stores and get the cheap white socks.  No, my boys have to have socks with special names that cost $15 a pair.  When we were shopping for school clothes, the oldest two compromised with us and agreed to share these pricey foot coverings.  They take turns.  It is the best lesson in sharing I never intended to teach. 


As we were discussing the cost of the "right" socks, I got to thinking about my teenage years.  The things that were important to me to have in order to feel like I "fit in".  Swatch watches, Coca-Cola shirts, an Esprit bag to carry my books, Outback Red 10 button shirts, Guess Jeans and Liz Claiborn purses.  As a parent, I tend to forget how important those little things were to feeling confident and secure as I went off to school. 


The thing is, I still feel it and see it in adults.  Coach purses, Sperry shoes, the newest iPhone.  We all want to "fit in".  I know there are deeper lessons of self esteem and loving who God created you to be.  We do focus on that at our house.   I focus on it for myself as a mostly well adjusted adult.  But if I can take some to the awkward sting out of navigating the teenage years with a pair of socks, then I will. 


I just wish we could find some that match, don't smell, are the right length for the shoe choice, have the correct symbol and aren't white.  Because at 6:45 in the morning, this mom could do without the drama. 

Weeds And All, Choosing Beauty

This time of year, our yards tell a story.  It is dandelion season.  The way I see it, there are three types of dandelion yards.  The first is the I don't care yard.  The owners have not made any attempt to stop the growth of the yellow things.  The second yard is the I am really trying here, but my neighbor isn't so what am I supposed to do when all those seeds start blowing my way?  The third yard is a pristine expanse of green not even marred by one single dandelion.  Our neighborhood is host to all three of these yards and as I drive by them several times a day, it got me thinking. 


Not everyone feels the way I do about dandelions.  I hate them by the way.  I try to get rid of them, but my yard is still host to several.  The shift in my dandelion perspective came from the sweet children I care for while their parents work.  This past week, I have watched them making wishes as they blow the seeds into the wind (sorry friends next door).  I have been handed bouquets of yellow to the sweet exclamation of "here Miss Weegan, these are fo you".  Just yesterday one of the boys I watch said, "Look at all the beautiful flowers!"  My first response to him was, "well, they might be pretty, but they are just weeds."  I realized that I was in danger of crushing his joy.  He didn't see weeds when he looked at the dandelions.  He saw beauty. 


There comes a time in our lives when we stop seeing beauty.  I am not sure why that happens.  Maybe we become too judgemental and after a while, nothing can measure up to the standard.  I am not just talking about the physical beauty of another human being.  I mean the beauty in everything.  Maybe we are too busy, too jaded, too asleep, too distracted.  We see whatever it is we are looking at or experiencing as just a bunch of weeds.  Somewhere along the line, maybe someone told us, "well, it's nice and you really tried, but it's just a bunch of weeds." 


We need to reclaim beauty.  We need to recognize it and celebrate it.  We need to explore it and create it.  We need to enjoy it and honor it.  Beauty in ourselves, in others and in the world we live in.  Because sometimes, it is more than just a bunch of weeds.  Sometimes it is beautiful. 

Toes in the Sand, Choosing Rest

Last month, I received a text from my friend Jill inviting us to get our families together.  We both went through our calendars throwing out dates for possible connections.  After several attempts to find a date that fit for both of us, we landed on a winner.  Three full weeks away.  I find myself in this situation often.  Wanting to connect with the people in my life, but not being able to find a time in the foreseeable future to do so. 


I have felt too busy lately.  Like my calendar and schedule are controlling me instead of the other way around.  I am made for full on, deep connection with others.  It is hard wired in my heart to know and be known.  I have felt depleted in this area of my life for a couple months.  This empty tank in my heart slowly sucks the life and energy out of all other parts of my life.  My job is harder, my parenting is lacking and my motivation to move forward wanes. 


Enter: Spring Break.  We spent the week in Florida.  We had no agenda, no schedule and it was absolutely lovely.  The six of us enjoyed lazy mornings, relaxing trips to the beach, fun afternoons in the pool and a week spent with my parents.  We rarely looked at our watches and let our hungry tummies dictate our days.  It was just the break we needed. 


So often, we wait until we are in a crisis situation to choose rest.  If your house is anything like mine, the weekends are filled with kids' activities and projects that need to be completed.  Sitting down and relaxing is not something we take time for.  If you are like me, you feel guilty for taking the time for yourself.  There is always something else to do and people that need you, but all those things will still be there if you take the time to say no and rest.


Rest needs to be an essential part of our lives.  God tells us to rest.  We need to take a Sabbath.  We need to turn down the volume on our lives and allow ourselves to be filled back up in the peace and quiet.  When we do choose rest,we are better able to fulfill our purpose in our everyday activities.  Rest looks different to everyone.  What looks like rest to me might look like laziness to you.  Investigate what rest looks like for you and try to fit it into your schedule every week. 


Pictures from our Spring break don't include theme parks and adventure, but they do include smiles and the peace that comes from digging our toes into the sand, listening to the soulful sound of the ocean tide and choosing to take a deep breath and rest. 

Chasing Rainbows and Choosing Joy

Today is the first day of Spring.  Even with the chilly morning air, there is a sense of anticipation and hope of sunny days to come.  The early Spring flowers are beginning to push their way out of their winter slumber and birds are filling the morning with song.  I love this time of year.


I also love quick pop up thunderstorms in the Spring.  The kind of storm that leaves as fast as it arrives and is followed by a beautiful sun and a rainbow.  I have always loved rainbows.  When I was a little girl, it was one of the only things I could draw with any real talent.  I had stickers and sheets and earrings all filling my world with the colorful order of ROYGBIV.  As I grew older and discovered my faith, I was in awe of the Biblical promise of a rainbow.  Seeing a rainbow in the sky is a reminder to me of how very much God loves me and how He keeps his promises.  I simply cannot pause long enough to take in the beauty of a rainbow filling the sky.



This year, my husband and I have chosen the word JOY for our focus.  We want to saturate our life and the lives of our children with more joy.  Not happiness, but joy.  True, heartfelt, deep, abiding joy.  The kind of joy that remains on the bad days.  The kind of joy that remains when you don't feel happy.  The kind of joy that invades our hearts and becomes the very breath we breathe.


A huge task.  As I read back over that I think to myself, "really is that even attainable?" I believe that it is.  However, I also believe that we have to work for it.  We have to intentionally choose joy.  We have to seek it out and sometimes even hunt it down. As if we were searching for the end of the rainbow. 


I am convinced a direct route to a joy-filled life is through the filter of gratitude.  Every time I find myself caught up in the "stuff" of life and lose perspective, I notice that I am lacking gratitude. Gratitude leads to joy and joy is what I am chasing.  What I am choosing.  What I long for deep within my soul.

To me, choosing joy is like finding a rainbow in the sky after a Spring rainstorm.  It is all the colors of my life brought together to be something beautiful. 

Wrong Turns, Serendipity and True Love

Recently, Mike and I were able to get away for a few days.  Just us.  We went to Martha's Vineyard for five days earlier in September.  It was a beautiful mini vacation for us.  The weather was gorgeous, the place we stayed was comfortable and welcoming and we didn't look at our watches for hours at a time. 

One thing that always seems to happen to us is making wrong turns.  I have a terrible sense of direction and while Mike is much better, he lacks the attention to detail when following directions given.  As you can imagine, we ended up in several places we did not intend to be.  Sometimes, this causes friction but many times what we experience is serendipity.

The definition of serendipity that I think I like best is; an occurrence that while unexpected, yields a fortunate or favorable outcome.  On our vacation, we discovered many hidden little treasures on Martha's Vineyard.  An unscheduled three car ferry ride to Chappaquiddick resulted in a beautiful long walk that was filled with great conversation and comfortable silence on a practically deserted soft sandy beach.  Lunch outside at a corner café we happened to walk by was our favorite dining spot. A day spent driving around the island and stopping whenever we wanted led us to a familiar place on Gay Head with a lunch enjoyed on a cliff overlooking Vineyard Sound. 

The reason this last spot was familiar to us is because 17 years ago this weekend we spent the day on Martha's Vineyard as part of our honeymoon.  We reminisced about how young we were and how much has happened in the last seventeen years for us.  We simply relished in being together and investing in our relationship.

We have had a few wrong turns and corrections over the course of our seventeen years together.  But we are stronger and closer because of them. But thankfully and truthfully, the occurrences of serendipity far outweigh the wrong turns.   These two things have resulted in a love so strong and so true that it literally takes my breath away. 

So I will take the wrong turns. Giving grace and receiving it when we make corrections.  I will cherish the unexpected and often times fabulous discoveries we experience in our lives.  I will choose to love everyday and stay in love everyday.  Because for Mike and me, wrong turns often lead to serendipity.

Happy Anniversary to us! 

Dry Cracked Earth

I am a beginning of the season gardener.  Every Spring I head to the nursery full of enthusiasm and not much actual knowledge about flowers.  I just want them to look pretty in front of my house.  I spend the day pulling weeds, raking, planting and mulching.  The finished product looks amazing and I make a solemn vow to water and care for my new plants.  And I do.  For a while.

This year, I have been particularly neglectful to my flower beds.  After the first few weeks, I stopped watering all together.  For a while, it was hard to tell.  The flowers still bloomed and looked full and healthy.  As time went by, I began to notice a few weeds popping up here and there.  I decided they weren't all that bad and let them go. 

This morning, I was out front saying good bye to my kids as they were picked up for car pool and I looked at the flower beds on my way back in.  They really looked bad.  There are big, prickly weeds taking over the bed.  When did they get so tall?  The flowers are droopy and no longer producing good blooms.  When was the last time I pruned them?  The ground was full of deep cracks.  When was the last time it rained? 

I have been the dry, cracked earth.  I have often ignored the care that is required to live a vibrant, colorful, joyful life.  The deep crevices in my flower bed were such a strong visual for me today.    Sometimes our lives can resemble a neglected garden.  I know mine has. Very slowly and without warning, bad habits can begin to take root.   If we aren't paying attention, they grow out of control and need to be drastically taken care of.  Just like flowers need pruning, we too need to be evaluating our lives on a regular basis.  If not, new growth can not take place.  The most important often missed necessity is water.  We must be involved in activities and practices that water our souls, fill us up and make us blossom into the best version of ourselves we can be. 

I know my flowers aren't going to rebound with one watering.  Similarly, when we notice an area of lack or neglect in our lives, there is often not a quick fix.  Sometimes we have to prune and weed and put in some really hard work to revive our dry, cracked souls into vibrant living. But take heart, it can be done.  Choose one thing, start there and eventually, hopefully your garden (and mine) will flourish. 

Accidental Beauty

We love our backyard.  It is such a place of peace for our family.  At any given time, you might find one or more of the six of us laying on the hammock, sitting by the fire pit, enjoying the serenity of the deck in the evening or swinging on the play set.  It is our place.  Nestled against a deep tree line with plenty of perfect fort locations and a creek, we are secluded, for the most part, from our neighbors and their yards. 

One thing we love about our yard is all the birds we have visit our feeders.  We have seen bright red cardinals, blue jays, nuthatches and a few we haven't yet identified.  By far, our favorites are the hummingbirds.  My neighbors will tell you that I stole all the hummingbirds from them.  For some reason, they just love our yard.  There are so many, you might get dive bombed by a couple tiny but aggressive females.

This summer, we got a pleasant surprise under our bird feeder.  After several weeks of refilling the seed, we began to see what we thought were weeds growing among the day lilies.  Being the not gardener that I am, I let them go.  One day, we were greeted by a sweet sunflower.  The seeds had been dropped by the birds and took root in our unkept patch of landscaping. 

It was accidental beauty.  Beauty that we didn't try to cultivate or force.  I am learning to appreciate these moments of accidental beauty more and more.  It is the small moments that make up our lives.  An older brother holding the hand of the youngest, suits and towels lined up on the porch rail after a fun day at the pool, spontaneous "thank yous" and "I'm sorries".  The things we take for granted and the things we don't notice are the very things in our lives that can make all the difference.

Take a deep breath, look around and open your eyes up to the moments in your life.  If you can, snap a picture of it or write it down in a journal.  Then, on the days when you wonder if it all is worth it, be reminded of those small moments of unforced, simple, accidental beauty.